The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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