Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
