You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
