Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
