Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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