i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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