I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize