for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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