I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
