Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
True but thats because hes a fetus.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
