He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
