Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
