What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
