the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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