FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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