Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
