this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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