He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
