I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
