Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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