i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
