is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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