I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
