How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
