no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
