K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize