I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
