Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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