While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
