Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
