Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
