So drunk its hurt
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
