ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
