i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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