call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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