never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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