Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
