it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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