I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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