If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
