Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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