I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
