wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
