I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
