toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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