you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
