the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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