Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize