Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
