go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
