The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
