Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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