What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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