I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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