On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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