worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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