And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize