Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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