my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
