dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
