well I can't set my house on fire every night
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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