we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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