Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
