She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
