i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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