she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
