dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
